A Cringeworthy Moment That Made Me a Better Speaker

Picture this: 12 senior leaders around a boardroom table. I tell a story, nail what I think is a decent punchline, and the room erupts in laughter. I’m feeling pretty good about myself.

Then the coach scheduled to facilitate after me decides this is his moment. He looks right at me and says, ‘Oh, that’s such a dad joke.’

The laughter dies. The air goes still. And I’m standing there thinking, Wait, what just happened? It wasn’t feedback. It was just… mean. And honestly? It rattled me more than I wanted to admit.

I smiled, turned to the group, and asked, ‘Did the story work for you and why?’ We explored the message together. Outwardly, I was calm, but inwardly I felt the sting.

But that moment taught me something important: not all feedback is created equal.

I genuinely love feedback. I know everybody says that. But I do collect feedback like Pokémon cards and try to implement it like a surgeon. (Yes, I’m willing to mix metaphors for feedback—that’s how much I value it.)

I actively seek out mentors who will challenge me and tell me exactly what I need to improve. I’m not looking for sugar-coated praise. Constructive negative feedback is gold.

But some feedback builds you up, and other feedback tries to take a cheap swing. Feedback that tears you down isn’t feedback; it’s heckling in disguise.

I’ve learned to ask myself: Is this feedback about helping me get better, or is this about making the other person feel better about themselves?

So, here’s your free pass: you don’t have to accept toxic feedback just because someone offers it. Take it, nod, then quietly file it under ‘Thanks, but I’ll pass.‘

And I’ll be honest; this has been hard to share. But if my cringe moment helps you handle yours, it’s worth it.

PS: I’ll take a dad joke over a cheap shot any day. At least dad jokes are trying to bring joy to the world.