“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” is one of William Shakespeare’s famous lines from Romeo and Juliet.
But, I’m sure you will agree that, in business, your name matters and you don’t want to be called by the wrong name. Remembering and using people’s names is the most powerful and authentic way to build connections. Yet, sadly, most people claim that they are hopeless with names.
If you are reading this, chances are we have worked together. My clients always comment on how good I am with names (and how brilliant I am with storytelling!). Surprisingly, I get very few comments on my modesty, but remembering names always impresses.
Here are some things that work for me:
Channel Bob and Barrack
So often, whether it is a new exercise program or a tool, our mindset matters. I am going to ask you to adopt a useful belief: honing your name recall is a skill, and we can all get better at it. It’s literally a muscle that you can grow. So channel Bob the Builder (and the slogan used by the 2008 Barack Obama presidential campaign) and respond with “Yes we can!”
Anchor in your senses
When you hear someone’s name, you need to anchor it in your senses.Kinaesthetically in physical contact, a handshake works best. You hear their name so your auditory senses are engaged. Another anchoring method is repeating their name back to them while maintaining constant eye contact, thereby using your aural and visual senses. When you repeat their name back make sure it is not done in a creepy way! And don’t try too hard. Weave their name back in a sentence such as ‘*|FNAME|*, thank you for reading this.’
If you’ve never been very good at names, you probably didn’t use these anchor points. It is important to use at least 3 senses, otherwise it is like trying to pitch a tent with only one peg. While anchoring in your senses is pretty failproof, the downside is that if you get a name wrong, that gets anchored too and is hard (but not impossible) to rewire!
Finally, it’s all about practice. Start with two names today–your barista and the IT help desk person. And then build on it.
So your mission should you choose/decide to accept it, is to try these strategies. And please comment, I love hearing from you.
P.S. My personal best is 100 names in a room. I know!!
Recently I was walking past a popular bar near my house and the ad in the window said:
Beer too cold
No empty seats’
The tag line: ‘Come in and see why 7% of people don’t like us’.
I love it – taking a negative and crafting it into a positive narrative, using humour and authenticity. An anti-ad ad.
In a hyped-up world, where most products pretend to be perfect, the ugly ducklings stand out. Especially uglies that are comfortable in their skin and craft it into a strength.
What does this have to do with diamonds you ask? In the Argyle diamond mines in Australia, the diamonds mined were all brown. A potential marketing catastrophe. Customers eagerly seek glistening white diamonds, known as Champagne diamonds. Might customers spurn what seemed like an inferior diamond, based on its colour? Urban legend has it that the global advertising company, Saatchi & Saatchi, were paid mega bucks to solve this challenge. They came up with the idea of calling brown diamonds, Cognac. So diamonds range from Champagne to Cognac. Sheer genius.
So what needs to be considered when we showcase our ‘uglies’?
- It can’t be a ‘faux’ ugly. You know, like the interview candidate who, when asked for their weaknesses, says ‘Oh. I’m a perfectionist’. Right! Next. No, it’s got to be real – not fishing for compliments – that is just annoying and twee.
- Don’t fake it. Don’t call attention to uglies that exist only in your imagination. A speaker might apologise for their accent when the audience is thinking, what accent?
- Sometimes it’s OK to admit to an ugly – an undeniable one –acknowledge it (customers love honesty), and then switch to focus on a positive.
So how are you going to turn your uglies around? Please share I love hearing from you.
Recently an oncologist friend shared how the hardest part of his job is giving patients bad news. It’s the toughest communication that anyone has to impart or receive.
Leaders are often the bearers of bad news. Not life and death but job losses, restructures, demotions. So how can we deliver bad news and leave people with their dignity intact and some hope for the future?
Make it private
The best way to deliver bad news is face to face and ideally one on one, not a mass meeting and definitely not in an email. A few years ago Denise Cosgrove, the then CEO of Victorian WorkCover Authority, sent an email after a public holiday describing a lovely spa weekend she had in Daylesford. She talked about how she was loving the role, the organisation and the people. And finally the punch line: ‘We’re proposing some immediate restructuring and changes to roles and unfortunately this will result in some job losses’. The email was leaked to the media by furious employees.
An acid test for leaders is ‘How would you like to receive bad news?’ The answer would probably be ‘Face to face and privately’ and the same would apply for people who work for you.
Experts advise that warning the person that bad news is coming lessens the shock that follows and also allows them to process the news. Examples of warning phrases include, ‘Unfortunately I’ve got some bad news to tell you’ or ‘I’m sorry to tell you that…’. Obviously, this is not the time to present a mixed bag like ‘The holiday you always wanted to take is all yours for the taking’ etc.
Shut up & Listen!
Once the bad news is delivered the next thing for leaders to do is to stop talking. It’s not about you anymore. Anything said after this point, will only sound like ‘Blah, blah blah’ as your audience is in an emotionally turbulent state. Most people react to bad news emotionally with anger, silence, shock, disappointment, disbelief or even tears. In that moment, you as the leader are the employee’s most important source of psychological support. Validate their feelings with phrases like ‘I understand this is very disappointing for you’ and show solidarity.
What next and the power of touch
The next challenge is then where to from here? Discussing options and next steps might be appropriate depending on you, them and your organisation. And finally, most humans seek solace in touch. So a handshake, a hug or a pat on the shoulder are very important. Of course not all three at the same time! Lisa Marshall says ‘This is hardly the time to give a non-verbal message that “you’re untouchable” to someone’.
Delivering bad news is probably one of the hardest things leaders have to do. But as leaders, we can deliver bad news in a way that is respectful and allows people to retain their dignity. Anything less would not be leadership.
Please comment, I love hearing from you.
Humour can help you stand out in a crowd and influence positive outcomes in business. As with any skill, humour can be taught and learned. And no – it is not joke telling! To help you on your journey here are my top 3 tips.
It all begins with you
Humour starts with you. You have to manage your state first so other people respond to it. The office grump won’t get anyone to laugh, but a positive, cheerful person will. You have to look like you are enjoying yourself – are you smiling? Are you energetic? This is what audiences will respond to. The airline safety briefings warn that you have to have your oxygen mask on first before helping others. The same rule applies to humour.
When was the last time you felt giddy with excitement at attending a business meeting or presentation?
a. All the time
If you chose c) you are in the majority. Somewhere along the road, business has become burdened with a gravitas that borders on funereal. To paraphrase bestselling Irish author Marian Keyes, or rather her wonderful character Maggie Walsh: “That’s why it’s called work; otherwise it would be called deep-tissue massage.” Taking ourselves too seriously is a modern workplace pandemic. So, it’s time for some tough love: we are all contributing to making work… boring.
A few weeks ago I was standing on a busy, windy street corner in Melbourne: no handbag, arms akimbo and no phone to keep me busy. No, I haven’t taken up busking (god forbid!), nor was I lost. I was simply waiting for a video shoot. As the shoot was being set up, I had nothing to do. So there I was on the street corner, observing people, the traffic and the city landscape. It was surprisingly peaceful and I felt very present.
Talking about love in business might make us uncomfortable. Isn’t business all about head, not heart? When we talk of love at work, we don’t mean romantic love. It is love for what we do (passion), love for the people we do it with (teammates) and love for the people we do it for (customers).
When selling fire extinguishers, start with fire, advises an old adage. Yet I often see charismatic leaders who the minute they have to present morph into boring ole’ Clark Kent instead of Superman!
One way to channel Superman mode when presenting is to start strong. Why is this so important? Your audience is tough on bad starts: Sixty six percent of people said that they are unwilling to give someone who made a bad first impression a second chance, according to a recent Roy Morgan survey. You get one shot at it. So start with fire, not kryptonite. There I blended both metaphors!
My godmother was in hospital a few years ago having her right knee reconstructed. On operation day, the surgeon came in and carefully marked her leg with a black texta before she was wheeled into the theatre. He wanted to ensure there was no mistake about which knee was due for operation! Isn’t it funny? Despite all our advancements in technology and medicine, this simple step with the most basic of tools is still crucial to preventing error.